The dissapearing eyes, of a dreamer I once knew

Sunday night, September 29, 2008, it was about 11:00 pm. Of course school was the next day. So I was pretty sure I'd be dragging in the morning and decided to make my way to bed. Of course I'm a procrastinating girl and it took some time to get everything in place, like my ipod on the "sleep" playlist, my innscents on to the best of there ability, and the window creeked open just a smidge to receive the lovely breeze of the late night. Lying against my suede pillow, my eyes easily drifted into a deep sleep, that's when it hit me, like a 5,000 lb. truck! The most majestic dream I've ever had. It wasn't one of those goofy dreams, where you wake up like, "what was I thinking?" No, it was almost real. It was a rainy day out, but everything from the leaves to the bushes, even the grass, were just filled with color. I walked to this meadow and the grass was a dull green color almost gray, then I saw him. This boy from my dreams I've never met, but I felt like I knew him, almost as if he were my best friend. Unfortunatly in my dream he was tied down...isn't that a coincedence. So I was inspired as soon as I awoke, I wrote it all down in my poem journal and here's what I came up with!

Rain beats down hard, enveloping my body with every drop,
My vision blurred, elongated raindrops suspend on my lashes.
Ruby lips turn plum as the icy air grazes over my porcelain face.
Sliding feet fall out of my shoes as the puddles take control.

Perturbed eyes stare anxiously at the meadow before me.
Flowers loud in the gray grass; then I see him, waiting.
How I wish the rain would evaporate his clothing,I
believe then his skin would jump to me in thirst.

Eyes stare past my exterior, straight into my saddened soul,
Each step towards each other erupts more yearning.
Both clouds of breath almost touch creating a cloud.
Then we are there, noses only inches away from the others.

Our eyes are burning with drive, to touch the others cheek,
His hands tangle in my soaking hair, I blush a deep red.
Then in the corner of my eye she appears, ravishing as always.
His hands left me, with one yearning stare he vanished.

What happens when it all falls apart

It's like the more and more I try to write about this, it seems like my words are caught in my throat, like a furball. I want to spill everything out but it's hiding in the deep compartments of my throat. My mouth is dry and I can't think straight. It's almost as if I'm ashamed to feel the way I do, but so extatic as if I've just cracked some code. I want to cry but I want to dance, my mind doesn't know which side to take and it's as if I'm on a tilt-a-whirl that wont cease to an end. Then what if I tell you will it ruin everything we've accomplished? What will you say to me, will you even have words? Because I know I don't.

Wanna stop time?

How do they expect us to deal with everything? By they I mean everyone involved in our lifes, and almost noone REALLY knows everything that's going on in your little messed up world. But who really has the time to find out? I mean there are sports, music, school work, your job, your parents nagging you to clean your room, trying to do your hair to look somewhat decent at 6:00 in the AM!, trying to be the best friend you can be, and dont forget, trying to impress that one person, the only reason you probably rolled out of bed. You all know who I'm talking about! I mean who can focus with all of that going on in one single persons mind! Who has the time to really get in someones head when they can't even sort through there own? It's frustrating and annoying! I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with someone at 3 in the morning, or danced with someone in the rain, because theres no time! maybe that's the problem...maybe we need to stop time for everyone to have one second to get in the minds of someone else? If only it were that easy...I guess I'll put it on the to-do list along with everything else in my life!

Miss him most

So I guess you'd have to know a little bit of background information before you can truly understand this story. When I was three years old my dad died of a heart attack he was only 32, and at that time I didn't really realize what I was loseing. Well now that I'm older I realize that I'm missing him SO much more! I was watching home videos of us and I noticed he always held me and he always wanted to be around me, my mom says he was engulfed by my pressence. It's hard on me now because I don't feel like I have that feeling from anyone you know? Well maybe you don't because it's not you, but you might. I just really felt the need to just talk about it with anyone, or whoever reads it I spose. Well thanks!
Hope you enjoy your day.

Music

Have you ever heard that one song, that makes your insides tingle? Do you constantly play it over and over again just to get that rush. I do. For me it's an escape from every horrible thing or feeling that's happened that day. It takes my mind off of everything negative. The bass just coincides with my heartbeat and I feel more alive then ever! I have this friend that makes playlists for me, and the feeling I get listening to the unfamiliar songs is just magical. There couldn't be anything more sweet! So if your reading this, take the time to find the song that makes your insides dance!

Abuse

I was recently told a story today. It was about how a little girl got raped, by her very own father. Emotions overwhelmed me and, I came up with this.

The ticking of the clock synchronized with her heartbeat.
She stared, hypnotized by the flashing lights upon the wall.
Her body shivered, as her jaw trembled in pure horror.
Hissing sounds, coming out as frightened breaths.

Glass that lay upon the floor haunted her innocent room.
Shadows danced on the ceiling, making her shivers cease.
A smile creped onto her cracked and bloody lips.
A lick of her tongue and, the essence of him lingered.

The scent of him soon again flooded her clear nose.
Shuttering she winced in pain biting her lower lip.
Her eyes watered as terror whipped her bare skin.
Dry hands pulled and yanked on her parched locks.
Her heartbeat raced as she heard his footsteps approach.

Trepidation flooded her; the louder the steps were heard.
She grew restless as her nails dug deeper into the cement.
Cuticles bleeding, creating pools along the barren ground.
The door screeched open, and her ears felt like agony.
Never has she witnessed such an execrable sound.

His shadow became clearer as her legs scrambled.
She didn't move she knew it'd be better to wait.
His sly smile made her insides turn and crush, hard.
He had her clothes off in a swift motion with one hand.

All she could do was take the torture of his rotund body.
Each laugh out of his mouth was like another whipping.
He licked her ear with pleasure as she winced in fear.
Being torn away from innocence yet another time.
Her body, a cold silhouette bruised and crushed.

Lying upon frigid, wet, cement, her tears flooding the floor.
Once all done he smiled, and rubbed her hair with want.
He rolled off of her, his child, licking his lips evilly.
Still not sober, so stumbling to get off of the floor.
He walked with pride to the door, turned back and winked.

The ticking of the clock synchronized with her heartbeat.
She stared, hypnotized by the flashing lights upon the wall.
Her body shivered, as her jaw trembled in pure horror.
Hissing sounds, coming out as frightened breaths.

If you know anyone who's been hurt in any way like this get them help.

So I found myself thinking about the VMA's (video music awards) today, and I got really upset at the fact that people made fun at the Jonas Brothers for owning promise rings. If you don't know what a promise ring is it's a ring worn to signify abstinence or celibecy. I thought it was wrong because, instead of setting the example for all the young veiwers watching not to have sex, I felt that they promoted it. Everyone is wondering why all of these teens are having sex and, wondering why they don't respect themselves, when the "adults", aren't even setting a responsible example themselves, so all the teens who read this. Think twice about your actions, and remember true love waits.