What is inside is discovered

It's here and I can't open it. My brain isn't making the connection to my hands to rip it up. So here it is lying in my hands. Still. My eyes wont tear away from it. It's like watching the scary part of the horror show when all you want to do is peel away. But here it lays. Clasped in my palms, the edge of the envelop starts to get warm as my palms begin to sweat. They're clamy and I hate it. I hate the feeling of sweat almost as much as I hate not being able to open this envelop. But what if they reject me? What if all of the preperations I had went through to get this one ready, fails? What would I say? The envelop shakes in my trembling hands. Deep breaths and short breaths pass the time and it still sits there in my hands. Open it. I'm screaming in my mind to just open it. But I don't. Then I second guess. My poem wasn't that great. I should have choosen another one. I should, I should, I should. Then the top tears. I'm doing it. I smile. It's happening it's opening I stop. I can't do it. I just can't. The blood rushes to my fingers, and they're hot again. And I hate it. One more piece is torn from the top. Adrenaline. Then another then another. It's opened. My hand slowly rests inside it's smooth interior and I feel it. I rub the pads of my fingers along the paper. It's gold. I rip it out of the envelop. I just can't wait and before I know it, it's opened fully exposed and I'm reading.

Dear Miss Kaila Beckner
Congradulations! You are now featured in the top ten of our. . .

I scream. Louder then I should have. Louder then my throat could take and I cough. But with the excrutiating cough I smile.