love. cry. numb, birds and bees.

Message. Walk. Laugh. Ferris Wheel. Terrified. Grasp. Walk. Giggle. Rides. Glide. Stop. Sit. Lean. Love. It all reminds me of you. These words that are ordinary but so magical to me. They all hit me like a semi truck going 105mi on the highway. It was fast but I loved it. I loved this feeling. You were nothing special that was everything to me. I brought you up when it wasn't appropriate. My tongue loved your name. It ached to speak it once more. Nothing was better then you. Even when I was upset with you it was perfect. You were the only one who made me laugh while I was crying. Who cared about what I didn't say rather then the junk spilling like saliva out of my mouth. You didn't care about what they though and neither did I. I never focused on what other people thought or said because, I was only fixated on you.
Tears. Scream. Ice Cream. The Notebook. Poetry. Lost. Hopeless. Without. It was over. We just ended it. For no reason. I missed you everyday and you didn't even know it. They taunted me. Told me you wanted me back. I was obsessed with the idea. Just to find out they were lies. All of them fed like starving dogs on my pain. They laughed when I was humiliated. You always told me it was okay. But you never stopped them. Never told them to lay off. Never said we as "a thing" ever existed. I hated you. I hated myself. I hated them. Everything about you, I wanted to confront. Why did you always wear sweat shirts? Why did you only hang out with them? Why did you never text me back? Why her? I cried. A lot.
Numb. Nothing. Painless. Lost. Empty.
Everything about you I'd put up a blockade. A wall. So you could never hurt me again. You smiled at me once, twice, three times. The wall got lower and lower. Now I'm scared. Petrified you will hurt me again. Scared of what I'm getting myself into. Nervous of falling to hard to fast. I don't want to repeat previous mistakes. But I can't stay away from you. You draw me to you like a mosquito to a UV light. Once I get near you I'm destroyed. But maybe. This time you could be the flower and I could be the bee.

Skittles and an english project

It all started because of a stupid english project. I dreaded it, you were dull to me. The normal jock type. You never looked at me. Never wanted to know me. I hated you for that. I just wanted you to see me like no one else has. I researched you. You made me laugh. I laughed so hard I cried. I didn't know what this feeling was. I liked it. It scared me. Then I presented my poster of you to the class. You smiled at me. Bright. My cheeks turned hot pink. I glided my teeth against my lower lip, and looked down to the warn out carpet. The bell rang. It was over. This feeling, I was sure would soon leave me. It didn't. You messaged me. Once a week. Five times a week. Once a day. Twelve times a day. I loved it. I wrapped myself around the thought of you. Then just when I thought you were my Leanardo, you ruined it. You threw my feelings on the ground and stomped on them with your baseball cleats. It's been awhile and now your lingering back into my life. I'm scared. I don't want to cry anymore. I no longer want to need you. Except for some reason I can never stop.

random!!

My Ipod is blasting dont stop believin' by the Glee cast, and I'm pretty much just jammin out down here in my basement at 10:20 PM. My mouth tastes gross. I can taste the resedue of puffy Cheetohs on my tounge and I want to brush my teeth, 1043 times. It's nice and cool down here for being 80 some degrees outside. To bad my rooms on the top floor. I hate sleeping in my bed when it's hot. The blankets and sheets stick to the sweat on my body caused by the blankets and sheets. My pillow never lays just right and I almost feel like it's going to soffocate me in it's death trap of heat. So of course I wear the lightest things to bed, so not to get to overheated. Then mother nature decides to be her annoying self and makes it absolutly freezing in my room by about 4 in the morning. Hence why I wake up, wrapped in my lovely ball of red swuede comforter. Mornings suck too. Especially when you didn't get enough sleep the night before which is about, 104% of the time for me. I mean once I get everything done whether it be homework, work, new shows on, dinner, cleaning my room, doing the laundry, taking a shower, ect. it takes up the majority of my night. So having to wake up at 6:45 just plain sucks. I'm counting down the days 'till summer. Except I'm going to miss school. I see everyone everyday. In the summer all the people who signed your yearbook with their numbers on the bottom with a cute little call me note attached, never return your texts. So you spend the whole summer with the same people. Which isn't bad, but a change would be nice. I do have a biology book shrieking my name right now, duty calls.