love. cry. numb, birds and bees.

Message. Walk. Laugh. Ferris Wheel. Terrified. Grasp. Walk. Giggle. Rides. Glide. Stop. Sit. Lean. Love. It all reminds me of you. These words that are ordinary but so magical to me. They all hit me like a semi truck going 105mi on the highway. It was fast but I loved it. I loved this feeling. You were nothing special that was everything to me. I brought you up when it wasn't appropriate. My tongue loved your name. It ached to speak it once more. Nothing was better then you. Even when I was upset with you it was perfect. You were the only one who made me laugh while I was crying. Who cared about what I didn't say rather then the junk spilling like saliva out of my mouth. You didn't care about what they though and neither did I. I never focused on what other people thought or said because, I was only fixated on you.
Tears. Scream. Ice Cream. The Notebook. Poetry. Lost. Hopeless. Without. It was over. We just ended it. For no reason. I missed you everyday and you didn't even know it. They taunted me. Told me you wanted me back. I was obsessed with the idea. Just to find out they were lies. All of them fed like starving dogs on my pain. They laughed when I was humiliated. You always told me it was okay. But you never stopped them. Never told them to lay off. Never said we as "a thing" ever existed. I hated you. I hated myself. I hated them. Everything about you, I wanted to confront. Why did you always wear sweat shirts? Why did you only hang out with them? Why did you never text me back? Why her? I cried. A lot.
Numb. Nothing. Painless. Lost. Empty.
Everything about you I'd put up a blockade. A wall. So you could never hurt me again. You smiled at me once, twice, three times. The wall got lower and lower. Now I'm scared. Petrified you will hurt me again. Scared of what I'm getting myself into. Nervous of falling to hard to fast. I don't want to repeat previous mistakes. But I can't stay away from you. You draw me to you like a mosquito to a UV light. Once I get near you I'm destroyed. But maybe. This time you could be the flower and I could be the bee.