My dream has always been to work for Seventeen Magazine. Well after writing to them in the beginning of March, they finally sent me a response. They gave me great advice. One thing in there though was, "...consider going to college in New York City." I want to be prepared to go to college but I so badly want to just go back a few years. I don't think I'm ready to make decisions that well end up setting me down one path or another. I know I've been making choices my whole life. Just none that have been so extreme. I think the reason I'm scared to go to college is because, that would leave my mom at home alone; and I am VERY clingy towards always being close to my mom. Tonight she wants to go to the college fair. I'm dreading it. I don't want to grow up. When I was younger I always dreamt about finally getting to the High School, being a senior, and going to college. Now I want to go back to the first grade, when all I thought about was what time Full House was on. Don't get me wrong I'm excited to do what I love everyday. But what if something goes wrong? Or I don't get the job I really dream about? How will my life be? I've been thinking about all of this so much I have a headache. I want to scream, cry, maybe even pull out my hair. Anything to get over this nagging pressure, of making choices, that will make me someone in the future. I wish I was born and raised in New York, so going to college there wouldn't seem like a big deal. Then I almost feel like an idiot. I hear a lot of buzz about people getting out of Albert Lea, far out of Albert Lea. Their excited. Why aren't I excited? Why is it that I am so scared to leave home, go to college, get married, have sex, have children, and grow old, and nobody else seems to be? Maybe I was just born to be afraid of exciting things. Or just more prepared then the others.
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