Snow envy

Have you ever missed someone so much it physically hurts? Every time you think of them it just throws you into a frenzy of pain, and you don't know whether you want to cry, or throw up, or even both. When you lose someone so close to you, it hurts like this. And you'll never know the pain until it happens. Until you wake up in your child like bed and he's gone...Sometimes I find myself searching for him. Like maybe he's still here, or reincarnated or something. Do you ever feel frustrated while looking for someone that you don't know. That's how it feels. Day after day I search, I miss him, I cry. Still it doesn't bring him back. I was watching Jack Frost with my mom, and when Charlie found out the snowman was his dad and he didn't have to search anymore, I envied him. It's funny you know envying a person you don't know, or more likely a fictional character. But I did. How amazing, and phenomenal would it be to see him again, to hold him, for him to tell me it will be okay, that he's still here. Who knows right? I hear we're suppose to get a storm;)

Snow ballerinas

The notes coincide with her rhythmic feet dancing circles in the flakes.
Pirouette; so graceful, as her battered ballet slippers soak up the ice.
Locks of curls hang in her focused eyes, as she concentrates deeply,
Her eyes on her feet, his eyes concentrated strongly on her.

The leotard stretches with her back into a perfect C as her right leg jumps.
His eyes captivated and enthralled by her body’s angelic movements.
Tip toeing her arms stretch over her head, then she stops and stares;
Looking only at him, her eyes fixated on his chest collapsing rapidly.

Slowly she is balanced on one foot, on one toe, and his gaze holds her up.
Higher then she’d ever imagine, his eyes holding a grip on her frigid body.
She exhales and the ground shakes, he’s waiting to catch her, just grasp her.
Whatever it takes to reach out and touch her, if only the flakes would stop.

They don’t…they hold their power trying to break her into imperfectness.
Her feet leap, as her arms fly, she wisps through the snow faster then the wind.
It spins her strongly closer to him, like he is the weatherman casting his forecast.
Just then their skin brushes and the snow stops, the world stops, but their hearts race.

The book that's being written

Chapter one
Lily
Lily Christensen held her head high as she began her slow, long steps, to the front of his house. She wrapped his flannel shirt around her tighter as the New York breeze wisped through her. She could feel the goose bumps crawling up her thighs, lingering the frigid air. She stopped when she reached the stairs. Hayden’s house was on a hill, the corner of Lexington and third. The bricks with there auburn color, stood out brightly with the autumn leaves. Lily looked up and smiled at the tire swing dangling from the one tree in Hayden’s yard. He used to sit and push her there for hours under the night’s stars then they would lye in the grass in silence.
When her warm finger pressed against the bitterness of the ice-cold doorbell, she shivered. She wasn’t sure if she was shivering from the cold, or if she were truly scared of what Hayden might say to her. She tapped her toe on the dirty welcome mat that lay sloppily in front of the Michael’s residents. Her recently bitten fingernails drummed against the multi colored buttons on her messenger bag.
She saw a moving figure appear somewhat through the textured glass of the door. All she could think of is in 3.2 seconds her whole life could be over. Then what? Who could replace him? No one came to mind, because no one has ever touched Lily Christensen’s heart in such a way.

Chapter two
Hayden
He was listening to his ipod, drowning out her scent in his room with Febreeze. No matter how many squirts came out of that bottle the essence of Lily lingered everywhere he stood. The pads of his fingers gripped his forehead in frustration of the fact she was forever branded in his mind. He rolled his tongue over his lips; still he could taste her peach chapstick.
His mind drifted back to August 10th. He had been pushing Lily on his tire swing for at least a good three hours, and then when he stopped they laid upon the grass in silence. Then she had kissed him, just once, nothing big, but it was to Hayden. He forever remembered the way the peach flavoring of her lip-gloss, never truly faded off his lips.
The chiming doorbell rudely interrupted his thoughts. He climbed out of his bed and sighed as he saw her shadow hidden by his textured glass door. His heartbeat quickened as he grasped the doorknob. In one more swift motion of his wrist his life would be incomplete.
She stood there in front of him, her long chestnut hair laid on her chest covering the top of Hayden’s flannel shirt. A small smile crept upon his face but, then slowly disappeared when he remembered why she was standing in front of him looking so heart broken.

ring a ding ding

We put up the tree, covered it with lights, ornaments, garlin, and ribbon and I must say it looks spectacular. We haven't got around to putting all of the presents under the tree but we have a few. I love the way Christmas time feels. I get into such a giving mode it's insane. All the things I buy in December are for friends and family; you know just trying to get the perfect gift. And cookies! Who could forget those? My family makes home made frosting, my grandma started it and it tastes so sweet and just not store bought. I love it.

The zapper strikes again

Last night I was exhausted. I mean I couldn't even roll over in bed, I was so tired. The problenm was I couldn't really fall asleep. See, here I was, thinking of you. How I use to look up to you and, you always made me feel like I was important. But did you really? I mean I look back to things I use to go ga-ga over about you, and now I wonder; why? You never told me I was beautiful, so why did I always think that's what you thought? You never starred longing into my eyes, so why was that the main feature in my poetry? Why do you have this magnetism that draws me to you? It's like your the all mighty bug zapper, and I am the hopeless fly being directed into your light. So why do you want to zap me so bad? It's like you knew how I felt, so why did you keep me thinking we had something? Why did you lure me to you, only to be zapped by your actions.
When I heard how you hurt me, I was frantic. I cried, I screamed, I fought. I was stuck in a frenzy that I couldn't escape. Because I tied everything to you before, and now even these chocolate chip cookies I'm baking at work remind me of you.
Then I slept. My mind untangled knots in my brain, that consciously I couldn't even touch. It sorted it all out for me, and placed band-aids on the wounds.
Now I look back and smile. Why did I waste my time?
The right guy for me, will not have made up features; and the fairytale I write about after a warm fall evening of bliss, will be true.

Bibbity Bobbity Boo!

Sometimes I have fantasies of finding...,"him." You all know who I'm talking about too.
He's the boy that sweeps you off your feet,
the one you want your parents to meet.
He's the charmer out of all the guys,
the one who loves a good suprise.

And sometimes I wonder if he's out there. Like maybe he's even reading this blog. Who knows right? I mean I just wish that one day someone would write a romance novel on my life. How cool would that be?

I also tend to write poems about a lovely boy whom I've never met. I don't know his name and I don't know where he is. But somehow I know him.

Yearning for that person the one who's wanting me,
Searching but are you out there, my beautiful mystery?
Peeking around each corner, sneaking behind each door,
Running down the hallways, scrambling on the floor.

Do you know I'm out there? Are you searching too?
Please just shout my name, if only you knew.
What is your name my beautiful mystery, do you know mine?
Just jump out from your hiding place and we will be fine.

Sprinting around the corner but as usual it is bare,
Gazing down the dark hallway it's daring but should I dare?
Tip toeing across the floor making every step slow and sly,
Come out; come out wherever you are no need to be shy.

My imaginary mystery please don't make me search anymore!
I've had all that I can take please just jump out from that door!
Counting down to nothing and still you are not there,
You are not over there or, here, you are not anywhere.

Do you even exist, on this planet beautiful mystery?
Do I have a fate or is my love life just history?
If you are searching for me please tell me loud and clear,
I am tired of being solo, dear mystery I need you here.

&& sometimes when no ones looking I smile and wish that he would find me...

The lullaby of my sleepless nights

The crackling noise of the blueberry jar candle takes the sound barrior in my room to a new level as "Bella's Lullaby," plays it's rhythmic harmony in my ears. The lights are off as my shadow flickers and dances on the poster filled walls. My pillow underneath my head is at the perfect angle making it hard for my thoughts not to drift. My long lashes ache to keep open as I fight my hardest to hit the last note of this beautiful melody. Just then the wind crackles and howls at my window almost begging for an escape itself. I feel the room get colder as I burry myself tighter underneath the red suede blanket. As soon as I drift to sleep, I'm awoken by my workout playlist banging in my ears. A quiet sleep turns into drum beats.

The thirteen envelops that changed the world

Exhilarated- marked by overwhelming usually pleasurable emotion

That's how I felt when I received the third letter. My bare feet speed down the pavement to the frozen gray mail box, a joyous smile spread across my face. My warm hands shivered against the frigid box as I grabbed the pile of letters and bills. Searching and dividing in piles It landed in my hand, all I could do was stand still and smile. Insticts took over me and I ripped the envelop open like a wild animal. It lyed in my hands the letter of success.
Dear Kaila M. Beckner,

We are pleased to inform you that your poem, "Daddy's story," has been published second place in our book...

I couldn't believe it! My hands started shaking and I screamed! I jumped up and down my feet landing hard on the soft carpet. I bolted up the stairs like a lightning bolt, to my mom.
"I made it! I made it!" I screamed at her.
She smiled and hugged me.
Now I have thirteen poems at least in the the five of every book I've been published in.

Adjective that bounce

Why are people so engrossed in ruining others self confidence? There are different theories out there, they want to feel better about themselves, they don't have friends, or they're jealous of you. I have my own theory. I think people judge others, talk behind others back, and call others names, to avoid thier own problems. Now you might think I'm wrong but, that's the only time I've ever done it. I'm sure everyone does it too, think about it; you have a fight with your parents, you fail your driving test, then you see him/her; your target. You might not even realize it but we all do it.
I'm so sick of being the name in everyones mouth, but you know what's worse? When they speak it to your face. Have you ever had someone tell you what they think of you and it's not pleasent? There words are so hurtful you just want to run and never be seen again, yeah it's happened to me numerous times. Most of the times the person doesn't realize it until the tears start to form. Then they most likely still don't care.
There's this person who's supposed to be like a grandmother to me, but constantly in her mouth, I'm a failure. Can you imagine your step grandparent talking bad about you? I couldn't either until it happened. Her words constantly haunt me...

"You're fat...you're never going to make it as a writer, you might as well give up...why even wear makeup it wont make you pretty...that shirt isn't flattering on your midsection, go change....."
It never stops!

So one day I just overcame it, I remember I heard a song and I realized I'm okay with me so that's all that matters and I wrote this,

Molded Adjectives

Smokey darkness surrounds the pupils in my eyes.

Lumps of air and spit are getting wedged into my throat.

My tongue is dry and all I can taste are your words.

As they envelop me I fall more and more away.

Gripping into my wrists, they want me to feel pain.

Wanting to feel isolation, eyes reminding me of ache.

Tears slip down my cheeks, burning like acid.

As one slips onto my lips, ice overcomes me now.

My bottom lip quivers, as spit barely covers the top.

Eyes close tighter, trying to create a barrier for these tears.

Breath quickens as you look at me with satisfaction.

You have done it, captured me with your venom.

Words suck deeper into my flesh, all I feel is adjectives.

Scrambling over my body like tiny bugs on dirt.

I though, am lower then dirt in your twisted thoughts.

Well to me dirt has never tasted so tantalizing.

So spit on me those adjectives, for I am stronger now.

You are nothing but, another bruise upon my heart.

Molding into a form of blue along the others among it.

Blue, bright, and mysterious, possibly my new color.

Jesus take the wheel

Awoken froma slumber in the front seat of the pick-up truck, all I heard was, "Kaila!! Hold on!" Immediatly my nails dug deep into the leather seats. I pushed myself against the interior with as much force as I had. I felt us spin, shake, and slide. I didn't see it, because my eyelids kept shut. I didn't want to see what has happening. Then with a hard jerk the right wheels came up about a foot then, slammed our bodies back into place. I opened my eyes. There was no blood, not even broken glass. Immediatly I looked to my mom, she starred petrified out the front window, hands still on the wheel, shaking. She looked to me then, "are you okay?" All I could do was nod as I examined her body and then the car. My makeup that was on the dashboard was now scattered by my mom's feet. Our pops that were in the cupholders were now on top of the dash by my mom's window. There was dark mud smeared on the left side of the car, and grass stuck in my window. Just then someone was approaching our truck. A boy from my class, I knew him and he looked almost as scarred as I felt. My mom started dialing 9-1-1, I can't forget how shaky her voice sounded. They appeared and so did this man, I still don't know his name, when we heard screetching tires. My mom and I looked behind us because, we were now facing traffic, and there was another car in the ditch. The police officer went to them and this kind man helped us out. He wouldn't except the money my mom was throwing his way. And he too went to check on the other car. He pulled them out with his chains, just as he did us. Still no name, and no money. My mom scarred to drive, only went 30mph on the interstate on the way home. Just about ten minutes later, we saw a car slide and roll down a ditch four times the size of what we went into. They rolled, and landed upside down. I was histarrical. All that was in my mind was that could have been me, I could have been seriously hurt, I could have never gradguated, I, I, I. The tears rolled down my eyes in a black mess from my mascara. Never again will I take sleeping in a car lightly.

I miss your smile and I still shed a tear every once in a while

He is gone. No one can bring him back, and it kills me. I hate the holidays without him, I hate everything without him. There is nothing I can do. My dad passed away some time ago, and it still haunts me.
I hate the jealous feeling I get around my friends because of it. I envy the laughs they have and the overprotectiveness my friends hate. What I would do, to have him here to hate all boys. I'm even envious of people I don't know. I'll see dads holding there daughters and swinging them around, and it pains me. Sometimes I want to run and scream.
Sometimes I can't escape thinking of him. A song will come on about missing your boyfriend and he pops in my head, and I cry because I miss him.
Sometimes I get frustrated because I feel like I can't talk to anyone. Because it happened so long ago people think that it's easier to deal with and they can't understand my tears. But everytime I think of the night he passed I bawl. Tears just run from eyes.
I miss him.

My eyelids shutter to open, as the sound of the crackling TV awakens me.

Swinging my three-year-old legs out of bed, in a hurrying motion to find my dad.

That is when I notice the empty bed beside me, no longer held her,

The game that we were playing before, still lye illuminating against the carpet.

I made my way to the big wooden door that hovered over my body.

The doorknob beneath my grip was frigid, and sent chills down my spine.

The TV was still discordant, making me want to cover my ears for silence.

That's when I noticed the dining room light blaring into my vision.

There was a cup lying on its side on top of the counter out of my reach.

Single drips of room temperature water dripped from its mouth.

The floor haunted my feet with its numbing cold, I shivered;

That's when I noticed the barren hallway that looked like it went on forever.

As I stepped to warm carpet my heart slowed to a normal rate,

The doors to my left and right left me feeling helpless and alone.

That's when I approached his door; never will I forget its presence.

The towering oak above me lingered in my mind as I grabbed its knob.

Everything seemed ordinary but it was looming an eerie presence.

The clothes were still in two separate piles, darks and whites.

The comforter on the bed was disoriented, and no one was inside.

Breathing became heavy, and my chest weighed to the floor.

I bolted; nothing could slow me down, nobody could make me stop, but him.

I reached the living room once again, when there was a tapping at the door.

I hid; I was terrified and shaking in a ball behind the couch, when I saw them.

They were Sherry's neighbors, their greeting held a saddened shadow.

They turned on the cartoons as I sat wondering what was happening,

Just then car lights shined brightly in the window, it was daddy! He was here!

Except it wasn't. It was my aunt Julie, tears smeared on her cheeks.

She picked me up and carried me to her car, and fastened me tight.

The streetlights kept my eyes drifting open, but eventually it was too much.

I fell into a sudden sleep, dreaming up times with my father.

When I awoke I was in my grandmother's house, sheets over my body.

I stepped into the living room, to see familiar faces starring, he was missing.

He is forever gone...

(not edited)

Ringing bells and chimneys

I can't even wait for Christmas! There's something about seeing people recieve things I've gotten them that just makes me feel so amazing! I love that suspense too, with waiting to open gifts, when I was younger it was excruciating!! Now that I'm sixteen it's still that bad! I love watching my cousins anxiety levels rise the closer we get to the final tearing of the paper. But I also love the before Christmas times too!
Like black Friday my mom, aunt Julie, Aunt Lori, my grandma, and myself go shopping at 3:30 in the morning. Were out there freezing waiting in line for the best gifts for the family. We hit all the ads on Thanksgiving evening, planning where were going first and circling the best deals. It's such a rush! Then when were all done we head to my Aunt Julie's house and sit in her craft room and wrap gifts. I love doing that because, it's a super fun way to spend time with my family.
I also love baking cookies! Usually I do it with my mom, and sometimes my grandma and my cousins.
Thank goodness for the holidays!

The pain that hides within

So there's a topic that's been on my mind for quite some time now; drug abuse involving children. It's something almost every family can relate to in some ways. Whether it's just a cigarette your little brother picks up when he's four or a used needle your cousin picks up on the side of the sink. Either way, we can all relate to this dangerous and scary epidemic. I remember a time when my own family members were using drugs. My aunt and uncle, would do meth in the bathroom and lock my baby cousins out. Rilee was four, Josephine was three, and Lannon was barely a year. It was heartbreaking watching Josephine cry when her mom had been in jail on her birthday. The thing that hurt me the most was watching how much they knew about drugs at such a young age, I mean no four year old should mention words like pipe, dust, or drug. It made my heart break. So if you know of a friend, family member, or someone you barely know who's using drugs, find them help; don't let the children suffer.

This poem is a tad graphic

Piercing needles inside the bruising skin on my arm,
Hurting inside, trying to get better but all I do is harm,
Inhaling the scent of cold, chilling, death,
Lying here on the couch boiling up this meth.

Ignoring the shrilling screams coming from Lannon's room,
I want to help him but I wont get up, falling into doom,
The kids want to play outside they're begging for some fun,
I scream and hit and carry on, until I'm alone without a one.

I feel my teeth rotting inside my brain with every puff,
Just when I think I've got my fix I haven't had enough,
Cracking lips turning purple, bleeding down my chin,
This deadly fight called meth I cannot seem to win.

Pushing family and friends so dear, so very far away,
I want to give them a call, but I wont get up for days,
Leaving the kids with no dinner, they cry until there sick,
Jittery shaking breaking into a sweat, I need to get out quick.

I find anyone selling crack along the lonesome street,
So cold and so weak I wont even pick up my feet,
I finally find some one with the right sort of mix,
Then I go home and cook it up, a bowl of my finest fix.

I load up some syringes with my magic potion,
Staring at the needle I feel no sort of emotion,
I leave the used needles on the edge of the sink,
Josie grabs one and throws it within a blink.

Screaming and crying she runs, with a sore on her arm,
Trying to fix this wound, I scream but I don't harm,
Rilee begins to cry, at the sight of her little sister,
She tries to run up to hug her and kiss her.

I scream in frustration at the sight of my crying kids,
Then breaking into a cry myself thinking of what I did,
I almost let it happen, let her die from this disease,
Breaking down into sobs I fall onto my knees.

I hold them close into my chest not ever letting them go,
Feeling sicker then a dog I've hit my all time low,
I call the help line for the treatment plan for the day,
Not waiting anymore for the white truck to take me away.

Writing wonders

So many people have been commenting about my poems that I tend to post on here. All the feedback has been just splendid! Writing for me is a way to escape. I write whenever I feel an excess of emotion usually. I also tend to write about things that have happened to me or my dreams. If you ever read a lot of my poems you'll notice a pattern of love, drug abuse, and poems about my dad usually. I also love reading poems and sharing mine with the world, I'm very open and rarely will write a poem I don't want to share. If you'd like to read all of my work please go to, http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/author.html?id=278534
thanks!

Car rides, speeding hearts, pulled over

The pounding of my heartbeat was strong enough to hit a ten on the rickter scale. My mind raced and I didn't know what to feel. No words would stumble out of my mouth because, I was too busy choking on the unnecessary. I waited, you smiled, I sighed, we laughed. Every mile we drove increased my excitement. I wanted to go faster, I wanted to be closer, I wanted to escape and run away. The music hummed against the speaker on my leg, the vibrations only quickened my pace, as I reached to turn the volume knob to it's maximum. We gazed onto the road ahead of us waiting for it to crack. Green, we danced, we sang, I screamed, you jumped. Yellow, we slowed down, I reached for it, and so did you. Red, I licked my lips you blushed, so deep. And as I stared at the stop light, I turned to look your way, that's when the color of your eyes became engraved into my memory.

As I close my eyes thoughts of you overwhelm me,
I wish they'd disappear, so I no longer ache with want.
I know you'd never fall in love for the type I am.
Please stop being so wonderful, because I am dying.

My heart is cracking and beating fast whenever you are near,
My tongue stands still for you are so beautiful, I am lost.
I feel as though if I died tomorrow no one would know.
That I'm secretly haunted by the spirit of you.

I breathe in your fragrance and my heart stops beating.
You look to me and smile not knowing how I feel.
Do you think I'd ever tell you, what would you say to me?
Too bad I'll never know, I'm quaking and I'm scared.

To look at you is to stare upon picture perfect want.
I shiver inside my thoughts waiting to look upon you again.
I will be sealed to this spot where you once stood.
Maybe you could turn the corner and stand within me.

A thousand wishes dissapear

I don't really know what to say. Is there anyway to scream on a blog? You can't really show tears on a blog either can you? I wish you could I wish there was some way to just let it all out hard and fast, just to get it over with. I wish that someone read these and could comfort you. But how do you comfort someone your not with. How do you tell someone your acheing with out officially letting them know. How do you tell her you hate her, without being mean? I guess you can't do any of this. Although I wish you could.

The dissapearing eyes, of a dreamer I once knew

Sunday night, September 29, 2008, it was about 11:00 pm. Of course school was the next day. So I was pretty sure I'd be dragging in the morning and decided to make my way to bed. Of course I'm a procrastinating girl and it took some time to get everything in place, like my ipod on the "sleep" playlist, my innscents on to the best of there ability, and the window creeked open just a smidge to receive the lovely breeze of the late night. Lying against my suede pillow, my eyes easily drifted into a deep sleep, that's when it hit me, like a 5,000 lb. truck! The most majestic dream I've ever had. It wasn't one of those goofy dreams, where you wake up like, "what was I thinking?" No, it was almost real. It was a rainy day out, but everything from the leaves to the bushes, even the grass, were just filled with color. I walked to this meadow and the grass was a dull green color almost gray, then I saw him. This boy from my dreams I've never met, but I felt like I knew him, almost as if he were my best friend. Unfortunatly in my dream he was tied down...isn't that a coincedence. So I was inspired as soon as I awoke, I wrote it all down in my poem journal and here's what I came up with!

Rain beats down hard, enveloping my body with every drop,
My vision blurred, elongated raindrops suspend on my lashes.
Ruby lips turn plum as the icy air grazes over my porcelain face.
Sliding feet fall out of my shoes as the puddles take control.

Perturbed eyes stare anxiously at the meadow before me.
Flowers loud in the gray grass; then I see him, waiting.
How I wish the rain would evaporate his clothing,I
believe then his skin would jump to me in thirst.

Eyes stare past my exterior, straight into my saddened soul,
Each step towards each other erupts more yearning.
Both clouds of breath almost touch creating a cloud.
Then we are there, noses only inches away from the others.

Our eyes are burning with drive, to touch the others cheek,
His hands tangle in my soaking hair, I blush a deep red.
Then in the corner of my eye she appears, ravishing as always.
His hands left me, with one yearning stare he vanished.

What happens when it all falls apart

It's like the more and more I try to write about this, it seems like my words are caught in my throat, like a furball. I want to spill everything out but it's hiding in the deep compartments of my throat. My mouth is dry and I can't think straight. It's almost as if I'm ashamed to feel the way I do, but so extatic as if I've just cracked some code. I want to cry but I want to dance, my mind doesn't know which side to take and it's as if I'm on a tilt-a-whirl that wont cease to an end. Then what if I tell you will it ruin everything we've accomplished? What will you say to me, will you even have words? Because I know I don't.

Wanna stop time?

How do they expect us to deal with everything? By they I mean everyone involved in our lifes, and almost noone REALLY knows everything that's going on in your little messed up world. But who really has the time to find out? I mean there are sports, music, school work, your job, your parents nagging you to clean your room, trying to do your hair to look somewhat decent at 6:00 in the AM!, trying to be the best friend you can be, and dont forget, trying to impress that one person, the only reason you probably rolled out of bed. You all know who I'm talking about! I mean who can focus with all of that going on in one single persons mind! Who has the time to really get in someones head when they can't even sort through there own? It's frustrating and annoying! I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with someone at 3 in the morning, or danced with someone in the rain, because theres no time! maybe that's the problem...maybe we need to stop time for everyone to have one second to get in the minds of someone else? If only it were that easy...I guess I'll put it on the to-do list along with everything else in my life!

Miss him most

So I guess you'd have to know a little bit of background information before you can truly understand this story. When I was three years old my dad died of a heart attack he was only 32, and at that time I didn't really realize what I was loseing. Well now that I'm older I realize that I'm missing him SO much more! I was watching home videos of us and I noticed he always held me and he always wanted to be around me, my mom says he was engulfed by my pressence. It's hard on me now because I don't feel like I have that feeling from anyone you know? Well maybe you don't because it's not you, but you might. I just really felt the need to just talk about it with anyone, or whoever reads it I spose. Well thanks!
Hope you enjoy your day.

Music

Have you ever heard that one song, that makes your insides tingle? Do you constantly play it over and over again just to get that rush. I do. For me it's an escape from every horrible thing or feeling that's happened that day. It takes my mind off of everything negative. The bass just coincides with my heartbeat and I feel more alive then ever! I have this friend that makes playlists for me, and the feeling I get listening to the unfamiliar songs is just magical. There couldn't be anything more sweet! So if your reading this, take the time to find the song that makes your insides dance!

Abuse

I was recently told a story today. It was about how a little girl got raped, by her very own father. Emotions overwhelmed me and, I came up with this.

The ticking of the clock synchronized with her heartbeat.
She stared, hypnotized by the flashing lights upon the wall.
Her body shivered, as her jaw trembled in pure horror.
Hissing sounds, coming out as frightened breaths.

Glass that lay upon the floor haunted her innocent room.
Shadows danced on the ceiling, making her shivers cease.
A smile creped onto her cracked and bloody lips.
A lick of her tongue and, the essence of him lingered.

The scent of him soon again flooded her clear nose.
Shuttering she winced in pain biting her lower lip.
Her eyes watered as terror whipped her bare skin.
Dry hands pulled and yanked on her parched locks.
Her heartbeat raced as she heard his footsteps approach.

Trepidation flooded her; the louder the steps were heard.
She grew restless as her nails dug deeper into the cement.
Cuticles bleeding, creating pools along the barren ground.
The door screeched open, and her ears felt like agony.
Never has she witnessed such an execrable sound.

His shadow became clearer as her legs scrambled.
She didn't move she knew it'd be better to wait.
His sly smile made her insides turn and crush, hard.
He had her clothes off in a swift motion with one hand.

All she could do was take the torture of his rotund body.
Each laugh out of his mouth was like another whipping.
He licked her ear with pleasure as she winced in fear.
Being torn away from innocence yet another time.
Her body, a cold silhouette bruised and crushed.

Lying upon frigid, wet, cement, her tears flooding the floor.
Once all done he smiled, and rubbed her hair with want.
He rolled off of her, his child, licking his lips evilly.
Still not sober, so stumbling to get off of the floor.
He walked with pride to the door, turned back and winked.

The ticking of the clock synchronized with her heartbeat.
She stared, hypnotized by the flashing lights upon the wall.
Her body shivered, as her jaw trembled in pure horror.
Hissing sounds, coming out as frightened breaths.

If you know anyone who's been hurt in any way like this get them help.

So I found myself thinking about the VMA's (video music awards) today, and I got really upset at the fact that people made fun at the Jonas Brothers for owning promise rings. If you don't know what a promise ring is it's a ring worn to signify abstinence or celibecy. I thought it was wrong because, instead of setting the example for all the young veiwers watching not to have sex, I felt that they promoted it. Everyone is wondering why all of these teens are having sex and, wondering why they don't respect themselves, when the "adults", aren't even setting a responsible example themselves, so all the teens who read this. Think twice about your actions, and remember true love waits.